


Imaginary

by arminblossom (syrren)



Series: Music Drabbles [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Gen, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 23:31:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syrren/pseuds/arminblossom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With recent events Armin has now lost another one of his friends, a grief he feels necessary to hide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Imaginary

Bertholdt/Armin

Song: Imaginary by Evanescence

_Don’t say I’m out of touch_

_With this rampant chaos - your reality_

_I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge_

_The nightmare I built my own world to escape_

_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming_

_Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights_

_Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming_

            Rain pattered against the ground last night, leaving the cobblestones speckled in dark spots, leaving the dirt paths muddied. The clouds above with heavy, hiding the moon and stars from shining and it did not take long before lightning streaked across the sky, illuminating the world. A clap of thunder rang out, waking up a young blond boy from sleep.

            Sitting up in his bed, Armin struggled to catch his breath, alarmed. His dream rushed back into his mind. Recent events rushed back into his mind. And it scared him how close his nightmares and reality were. He held his head in his hands as flickers of Reiner and Bertholdt kidnapping Eren played out behind his blue eyes. Had that really all happened?

            The blond stood up and paced the room, finally stopping at the window to look outside. He rested his forehead against the glass, the cold waking him up a bit more and bringing realisations along with it. They had Eren back, they were safe, far behind the walls and those who wanted to hurt them, he was even on Levi’s squad now. So why did something deep down inside him tug at the fact that something was very wrong?

            But he knew. He knew perfectly well what was missing. He had lost so many friends so rapidly, and now Bertholdt and Reiner were gone too. The blond was still ashamed of himself for standing there when his squad was eliminated during Trost. He still cried in the dead of night because Marco had departed for someplace better; his breath hitched just thinking about it. And now Bertholdt was gone, too, left to some unknown fate. Last he saw the two, they were drowning in titans. For all he knew, Bertholdt was lost too, lost to the titan’s insatiable desire to feast. And there, that was yet another friend lost. Another death ticked off the charts.

            That shouldn’t have been the end to it. He knew, Reiner and Bertholdt being titan shifters had been something that was probable. He just didn’t want to believe that they were affiliated with it all. The taller boy had been so nice to him; they had understood each other so well. They could talk for hours on strategy and their hopes and dreams. But this? Him being a titan shifter, let alone the Colossal Titan? The blond shook his head, wishing it wasn’t true. Wishing things were how they once were, back when Marco and Franz and Hannes were still alive. Back when Bertholdt was the quiet but intelligent boy he had called his friend. But this? This nightmare just grew worse and worse.

            “Hey, Armin, why are you awake?” Jean called out from the bed set up next to the blonde’s.

            “I…I couldn’t sleep,” Armin replied uneasily, trying to smile even though he knew the taller boy couldn’t see him.

            “Again? There are only so many things you can cry about.”

            “I wasn’t crying,” the blond rebutted.

            “Then why did I hear a sob? Come on, Armin, I don’t know what you’re upset about. You said it yourself, for the good of humanity a few must be sacrificed. So what are you crying about?” Jean snorted.

            Armin sighed and looked away, crawling back into bed and avoiding Jean’s glare. He was logical; he knew that killing off a few could save many. But it didn’t mean it hurt any less when he lost his friend. He wasn’t as cold hearted as the others had started to assume he was. He cared; he cared deeply for his friends. It hurt him that he now had to deal with Bertholdt’s supposed death. They lived in chaos, a world where his nightmares matched his reality perfectly. And though he had to step back and look at the whole picture to keep ploughing forward, it didn’t mean he had lost touch with the reality of their losses.

            He just had a hard time coping with a lot of it any other way.

            And who can blame him? He was losing friends right and left.

            And when he watched the rain fall from his bed, there was only one thought on his mind.

            _What had happened to my friend?_


End file.
